Coffee brewing. Kids screaming. Dog barking. Dishes piled up. Laundry overflowing. I feel unappreciated, exhausted, constantly needed, and COMPLETELY overwhelmed. So basically, I am exactly where the enemy wants me to be. Tired, feeling defeated, and ready to explode. However, could I just say, that as a devoted follower of Jesus Christ, I am called up to a higher standard. I am call to discipline my children the way God disciplines me (which can I also say, would be far more effective than my screaming and making them feel completely defeated themselves), to lovingly stand alongside my husband by respecting him and giving myself completely to him, and to praise God through all of this in the meantime. WOW!!!! This is definitely my goal, but shew weee it just sounds exhausting typing it all.
However, I know that God would not call me up to something if He did not lovingly provide me the way to achieve it. The catch, I have to be willing to lay my pride down, lay my emotions down, and pick up my cross, daily, and exchange it for a supernatural power that God promises He will give me if I will just be still and know that He is God. That He is in control and not ME. Yeah…it is NOT me who has control. Huge shocker, hugh!
The closer I get to our Lord, the more and more I begin to detest the word me. It is a word that brings so much with it, that I just want to take it and physically strangle it into none existence, BUT, God says that will not be so until I leave this fallen world and take Jesus’ hand. So, until then, He gives me all the tools I need to get closer and closer every day.
So, here it is, 6 o’clock and all I keep doing is telling myself that “It is ok! God has got this!” As things continue to happen, “God HAS got this! GOD HAS got this!” After all of this trying, I realize that if one more thing happens, then POW….. I am going to light up like the Fourth of July ladies and gents because the fuse to my fanny will have been lit. Let the firecracker show begin as the conversation in my head suddenly changes from “Give it to God!” to “NO!!!! I’M GOING TO TAKE CARE OF THIS!” My voice explodes and then every word I was trying to take captive in my head flows out like a fiery flame from the pit of hell. My flesh becomes EXTREMLY satisfied and full of pride as everyone and everything around me (mainly my children and dog) stares, in silence, with an expression that communicates, “She is mad….AND crazy!” Nevertheless, despite their stares and sometimes defeat on their face, my pride is FULLY satisfied and justified to ME. Ugh…that word again.
Sound like you? Well, this is always me when I have become overwhelmed with life; when I have been trying to do everything MY way instead of HIS way.
I have been walking out my walk diligently and faithfully for a couple of years now, but just like the Israelites, I seem to be in the slow group in that I still struggle and find myself satisfying my flesh rather than choosing to nurture my sprit with God’s word in truth. It is not soon after, that I find myself completely convicted, in repentance, and completely heartbroken that I would choose my desire over His promises. It is a struggle. It is ALL our struggle. It may not look like mine, but it still has the same outcome….destruction, sorrow, and a need to be saved through grace, mercy, love, and acceptance.
My heart pleads for mercy, growth, love, and grace as I cry out, “My Father, change me, refine me, build my foundation on a rock. You discipline those You love. Praise You, Lord!” These words are all too often spoken within my prayers; however, when the trials begin, my flesh so quickly says, “AAAAHHHHHH!!!!! IT IS ALL ABOUT ME AND HOW I FEEL, NOT WHAT YOU SAY GOD.” Now I may not say this exactly, but my actions are what is saying this. Don’t you think?
I want to mature and be refined, but I have this twisted way of thinking refinement is going to somehow be easy, or the way I would have it. Sound like you? Are you willing to admit it?
As we stand still and know, our hearts cry out for His goodness. Then as the distractions begin taking place as we live in this broken world, we too quickly want to retrieve back into our holes. We constantly strive to want to focus on the cross, but trials come for His glory and we want to hide. It is as though laying that ‘thing’ down at the cross is a lot further away than it appeared to us in silence.
Our moments without any distractions are always ones that are empowering. As I am even typing, I feel a sense of hope, strength, and courage behind these words, but I have realized that hearing them, typing them, speaking them… well, is only minute compared to the parts of our faith that require REAL strength, REAL hope, REAL courage to live it out. Strength, hope, and courage provided to me by the Holy Spirit, not Samantha Keene, is where His glory shines. We are given the ability to accomplish things that otherwise we would not be able to accomplish. It is AWESOME!!!!!
It is quite comical to think of how cowardly one can be a part from his or her faith, but as I reflect on the way I live my relationship with Jesus Christ out, it truly is the expectation of many. We so quickly laugh at the Israelite’s disbelief after all God did, but I know I am guilty of doing the very same thing. The Bible is a warning. An example that gives us stories because we too will face them.
This life is a struggle. When we start to realize who we are in Christ, we simultaneously begin to realize who we do not want to continue being without Him, but we are still faced with fighting our ugly every day. We are given the chance to die to self, daily. It doesn’t just disappear. It is a call to get back up and fight harder the next time. Just like fitness. You don’t see instant results after one workout. Rather, it takes days, weeks, months, and years to realize that even though it didn’t seem like you were achieving anything on those days you felt defeated, overall, you have lost 15, 45, 50 pounds. What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ Phillipians 3:8 We lose it all to gain it all. There is ONE cross, MANY trials…..but the bigger picture outside of ME…is that it is ALL for HIS GLORY. WHOOP WHOOP!!!!! (my hands are raised here in the air if you can imagine this in your head, lol)
Ladies and gentlemen, we are so quick to refer ourselves as God’s servants, now let us learn to be willing to be treated like one. That is what Christ did for us, isn’t it? Didn’t he humble himself and serve others so that we could serve? He loves us, and He has given us everything. His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. 2 Peter 1:3 So there is nothing else He can give us. Why has He so lovingly given us everything? So we could love because He first loved us. 1 John 4:19 Praise be to God! Forever and ever, AMEN!


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